Remember when AmEx stood for Service?

What you sketch when you are hanging off the phone trying to cancel a card

I've been sobbing with frustration. Two years ago I decided two AmEx cards was excessive and being a much more conservative soul these days decided I was sick of paying fees for a credit card I never use. After a mind numbing hunt on the internet for a contact number to cancel a card I eventually fought my way past the computer generated voices and got a real human being. I sobbed with relief and said 'I'd like to cancel one of my AmEx cards because I never use it.' The nice human being was very disappointed in me and said that the company would prefer to offer me a fee-free year on the card. You never know when you might need the line of credit. I accepted and forgot about it. Two years later the next annual fee for the card was automatically deducted from my bank account. I still had not used the card.

I have since spent another mind numbing hunt on the internet to find a contact number to cancel the card. I've managed to have two conversations with a human being. The first told me they could not accept my cancellation from overseas via a Skype phone call. I would need to call American Express in Australia reverse charges. I couldn't find the Italian phone number to request a reverse charge call - you know how it is when you'd rather be painting.

I eventually made my way through the electronic maze again to another human being - still paying for an international phone call, still waiting on forever for human service. Unfortunately it was Saturday in Australia and the people who have the power to cancel cards do not work on Saturday. I was given a number which I was told was the reverse charge number and told to call back on a week day. I missed a few week day opportunities - you know how it is when you'd rather be painting.

Finally I lined up all the documentation on my desk and dialed the number. I was greeted by a kind electronic voice which lead me through many button pressing options - one of which, blessedly mentioned cancelling a card. As requested I keyed in my 15 digit account number and was told to wait until my account was retrieved - at this point I started sketching the handsome Roman on my credit card. Finally I was told to hang on and I would be connected to an operator. After a few clicks the line started making that ominous beep that sounds like you've been cut off. Then the line sounded live, almost as thought there could be a human being there. I called out for help. The ominous beep returned. This happened several times. At no point did anyone reassure me that I could relax because this was a reverse charge call. After 13 minutes I decided to hang up. I didn't want to have to use my American Express credit card to pay my Italian phone account.

Are you out there American Express? I love my original card - the one I pay the total balance of at the end of every month. I don't use it much these days but it gives me a nice warm feeling and the frequent flyer points are nice to have. What do I do next?!